Homo sapiens have this propensity to blunder and ruin our own interests, yet in spite of the folly we inflict on ourselves and on each other in our weaker moments, most of us have this deep desire to be in a rewarding relationship, awkward and hurtful as it may be many times. This urge for relationship goes beyond the biological human instinct for self-preservation and propagation of the species.
In the creation stories found in Genesis, we read that the gainful employment of naming exotic animals in an idyllic, unspoiled environment did not provide enough personal fulfillment for a single human. Creative Artist that God is, there was an evolving process in the acts of creation, and after a bit of minor surgery,viola, a second human was formed.Two humans of equal value and strength were fashioned as a complete reflection of the imagination of God when they “became one flesh.”
That astounding concept of human union goes much deeper than a need for the genus to survive. Personal relationships offer potential for great joy deepening the mystery of our individual connections with meaning and pleasure, but too often we clothe ourselves in protective layers to avoid vulnerability and shame.
When it comes to the “iron striking iron” dynamics between two people, sparks are inevitable, sometimes sparks of romantic passion, sometimes sparks that leave burn marks. The potential for carnage and exquisite joy is always there. Lest you be deceived, in the iron-sharpening business, Kay and I have experienced both extremes. As Sir Alan Patrick Herbert, a 20th century English writer commenting on his own marriage at the time, said, “The conception of two people living together for decades without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.”
The reality of our living together for so long dredges up some unpleasant aspects of our opposite personalities, things we choose to overlook in each other after decades of marriage. That is a sobering and disturbing reality, but like a good play, love and marriage is a mixture of comedy and drama, of passion and pain. As Romeo opines on love, it is, “…a madness most discreet / A choking gall and a preserving sweet.”
The truth is Kay and I were and are two lost souls who found redemption in our faith and shared lives. There are no perfect or clean solutions to fault lines of our union. While we bear those cracks and failures and inflicted hurts, we endure because of our committed stab at love and survival. Survive we did and do.
